I got a call from my doctor’s office. The bloodwork came back, and the celiac test was negative. “So you can eat wheat with abandon!”, the nurse said. Hmmmmmm. Okay. I’m sure we’ll come back to this at some point, won’t we?

My cholesterol is what really concerned me.

Here’s the current test:

Total: 188
HDL: 42
LDL: 105
TRI: 206 (!!!)

My results almost exactly one year ago:

Total: 168
HDL: 44
LDL: 104
TRI: 101

Basically every single number is worse, and the triglycerides have doubled. Triglycerides are linked with a hardening of the arteries, leading to stroke and heart attack, that last one being my usual nightmare.

Triglyceride values, from the Mayo Clinic:

Normal — Less than 150 milligrams per deciliter (mg/dL) (less than 1.7 mmol/L)

Borderline high — 150 to 199 mg/dL (1.8 to 2.2 mmol/L)

High — 200 to 499 mg/dL (2.3 mmol/L to 5.6 mmol/L)

Very high — 500 mg/dL or above (5.7 mmol/L or above)

What I thought was strange was that the nurse said “You’re completely normal!”, and then rattled off the numbers. I wrote them down without thinking about them, and didn’t notice anything strange until I compared them with last years numbers and started looking things up.

Also from that same section:

Although it’s unclear how, high triglycerides may contribute to hardening of the arteries or thickening of the artery walls (atherosclerosis) — which increases the risk of stroke, heart attack and heart disease.

High triglycerides are often a sign of other conditions that increase the risk of heart disease and stroke as well, including obesity and the metabolic syndrome — a cluster of conditions that includes too much fat around the waist, high blood pressure, high triglycerides, high blood sugar and abnormal cholesterol levels.

Bold parts are mine. While I don’t have problems with blood sugar, blood pressure, or total cholesterol, I do carry nearly all my excess weight around my middle. I’m seeing that as something important to change – the amount of weight lost seems much less important than just getting as much fat off my abdomen as I can.

Causes of high triglycerides, according to Web MD:

The most common causes of high triglycerides are obesity and poorly controlled diabetes. If you are overweight and are not active, you may have high triglycerides, especially if you eat a lot of carbohydrate or sugary foods or drink a lot of alcohol. Binge drinking (of alcohol) can cause dangerous spikes in triglyceride levels that can trigger inflammation of the pancreas (pancreatitis).

Bolded parts are mine again. LE SIGH PART DEUX.

The good news? The ways to lower your triglycerides are very reasonable.

From the Mayo Clinic again:

Lose excess pounds. If you’re overweight, losing the excess pounds can help lower your triglycerides. Motivate yourself by focusing on the benefits of losing weight, such as more energy and improved health.

Cut back on calories. Remember that excess calories are converted to triglycerides and stored as fat. Reducing your calories will reduce triglycerides.

Avoid sugary and refined foods. Simple carbohydrates, such as sugar and foods made with white flour, can cause a sudden increase in insulin production. This can increase triglycerides.

Limit the cholesterol in your diet. Aim for no more than 300 milligrams (mg) of cholesterol a day — or less than 200 mg if you have heart disease. Avoid the most concentrated sources of cholesterol, including meats high in saturated fat, egg yolks and whole milk products.

Choose healthier fats. Trade saturated fat for healthier monounsaturated fat, found in olive, peanut and canola oils. Substitute fish high in omega-3 fatty acids — such as mackerel and salmon — for red meat.

Eliminate trans fat. Trans fat can be found in fried foods and many commercial baked products, such as cookies, crackers and snack cakes. But don’t rely on packages that are labeled “trans fat-free.” In the United States, if a food contains less than 0.5 grams of trans fat per serving, it can be labeled trans fat-free. Even though those amounts seem small, they can add up quickly if you eat a lot of foods containing small amounts of trans fat. Instead, read the ingredients list. You can tell that a food has trans fat in it if it contains partially hydrogenated oil.

Avoid alcoholic beverages. Alcohol is high in calories and sugar and has a particularly potent effect on triglycerides. Even small amounts of alcohol can raise triglyceride levels.

Exercise regularly. Aim for at least 30 minutes of physical activity on most or all days of the week. Regular exercise can boost “good” cholesterol while lowering “bad” cholesterol and triglycerides. Take a brisk daily walk, swim laps or join an exercise group. If you don’t have time to exercise for 30 minutes, try squeezing it in 10 minutes at a time. Take a short walk, climb the stairs at work, or try some sit-ups or push-ups as you watch television.

All of this sounds incredibly doable, so I will do it, once I’m over this stupid flu. In a few months I’ll get the numbers checked again, and see if I’ve made any progress.